HIV TESTING
Tales of the late diagnosed
Gus Cairns
Published: 14 February 2013
The bisexual man: Brian
One such person is Brian*. The north Londoner, diagnosed at Christmas in 2007, runs his own business as a wholesaler.
He started to worry “because I was looking too healthy. I tend to lose weight in the summer and pile it on again in the autumn. That year, though, I hadn’t had to go on my usual October diet and at first was pleased.
“But something started to scratch at the back of my mind. I didn’t feel ill, exactly. It was more that I felt vulnerable – as if I needed wrapping up and looking after. I started having dark thoughts too, not specifically suicidal but morbid. ‘If I accidentally stepped in the garden pond it would be all over’ – that sort of thing.
“I went back and forth to the GP a few times and they did tests for diabetes, liver function, cancers. All came back blank. Then I started losing my appetite and my GP became concerned: he could see I had unusual weight loss. Looking back, I’m wondering why he didn’t just test for HIV too.
“Just after Christmas, I got a chest infection. The GP took one listen at my chest and said ‘Right, we have to do something’: the next thing, I was in the local A&E department.
“The moment I was there I felt better psychologically; I was being looked after, as I’d wanted. The hospital doctor said ‘We need to broach the subject of your private life’, and I said ‘Go for it’. I realised it was important not to hold back.”
And so he found himself talking for the first time about his bisexuality and his late-night cruising on London commons. He was married with two teenage children, a school governor, well known in the local community. He emphasises that he made a conscious decision not to let fear of gossip stop him telling the truth.
“The doctor was the daughter-in-law of one of my customers. I decided to trust that she’d be professional. I didn’t want a stranger telling my wife, though. So I said ‘Take the day off work’ and told her. I considered saying I’d had a drug problem but decided there was no point in lying. She was devastated, but with the help of counselling at the Terrence Higgins Trust, we pulled through.”
If there’s a message he’d like to give to others, it’s to update their knowledge about HIV. “In my line of business there are quite a lot of bi guys and they’re the ones I always hear myths from. ‘HIV is still a death sentence’, ‘it’s mutating and is resistant to all the drugs’, and so on. It’s these kinds of myths that stop people from testing.”
